Guess that makes sense. [ it's still a fucked up sort of process, but he can understand that. ] I was just wondering if it was at all possible to pass on the roles once a person's gone or if you have one shot and that's that. It almost sounds like it's safer to be a normal person than have responsibility you have to guard and also dodge becoming a target.
It would be convenient if you could pass on a role. But no, once you lose that person with a role- it's gone for the rest of that loop. This makes some loops difficult when the person is someone that stands out too much that they get targeted right away.
[ they nod a little. ] There is a Guardian Angel role to help with that. They're capable of protecting one person per night against Gnosia attacks. The downside though is they cannot protect themselves, so. They need to lay low and not stand out for the Gnosia to target them.
[ he's contemplating over that before he sort of sighs again. ]
The whole thing sounds so complicated with a bunch of unwritten rules and roles you just have to go into blind and hope for the best. Having to do it over and over again in multiple loops...I can't really picture that.
[ he can't picture doing it without going crazy, mostly. ]
[ a quiet hum in response. ] It's definitely a lot to remember.
Mm... I remember the very first time, before the loops even began. I was... so lost. Uncertain of what to do... afraid. But, someone pointed out to me that I was part of the military, to take charge and...
[ Their gaze never leaves that medical capsule. it's very much empty, but they stare as if someone is there. ] I felt like I had to. No matter what came at me.
[ he follows their gaze eventually, looking as if he'll see whatever invisible anything is there. ]
...how long did it take you to really believe you could actually do it? I think there's a difference between knowing you have to do something and being able to do it for real.
[ sure, for funsies it can glitch for a moment, looking as if the capsule is actually closed with someone being seen inside through the small window. but it's only for a flicker of a second before it goes back to being empty and open. ]
...It took a while- going through some loops. Getting my bearings when I realized I was entrapped in them.
[ ok. well that is spooky and he immediately looks away, never mind! no flickering! it's all good!! but he listens to them and seems to mull it over. ]
Supposedly experience is the best teacher, so it sounds like that paid off. Even with the price of having to loop over and over again.
[ gootbai spook... they glance to him, before they start over to the door and pausing there. seeing if he wants to explore some other areas. sickbay isn't exactly the most pleasant of areas, they're sure. ]
It did eventually. I definitely got more confident. I was able to grow as a person too from the experience. [ a brief thought ] ...If you were to compare how I was before the loops began, to how I am now, I've changed a lot.
[ he gestures a little with his hand. yes. go ahead. show him somewhere else. he'll default to their lead or he truly will just wander into whatever the next open room is. ]
Then...maybe it's not all that bad. You're a pretty good person now, so if all of that brought you here...[ he shrugs. ] Growth doesn't always come the way we want it to. But maybe the results really are always the same.
[ well, there's a room straight across from the sickbay if he's wandering into the next one, which will be... the lab. microscopes and other tools can be used to examine the samples collected. there is also a hydroponic growing space in the back... which various plants can be seen to be growing here. ]
It doesn't always... Sometimes, growth comes from dire situations but, it can be worth it if we like the person we've become. [ and they do. they like the person they are now. ]
[ immediately he's going to be nosy and start checking out the microscopes, peering into the lens to see if there are samples or the like to be reviewed. he'll make his way toward the back slowly. ]
You ever think it might take longer to like that person? Like...the growth doesn't feel worth it until even more terrible situations happen on top of the already terrible ones.
[ he can peer into lens, there's general samples there but idk science though most of them are probably plant samples anyways. ]
...I think it could take longer. Though, depending on what kind of decisions were made because of that growth... [ they think about it ] ...Yes, it might take more terrible situations to eventually make it feel worth it.
But, I also think it depends on the person. [ quieter ] It... took me hundreds of loops to get to where I am now. And even then, I know there's still more room for improvement. That might not be the same for others though. [ someone else may feel they need to go through more to come close to it feeling worth the growth. ]
It almost feels unfair sometimes to think of it that way. Having to go through things that are shittier than others just to get a similar outcome. I know it's worth it in the end for some people, but it makes you wonder sometimes why it has to be that way.
[ which has always been something he's thought about on and off. why do some people have to struggle so much harder than others? ]
Some people might tap out after the first couple, you're right. But I feel like no matter how many you went through you'd always say you could improve. [ a gentle call-out. ] When do you think it'd ever be enough...?
I wish it didn't have to be that way, admittedly. Thinking that the only way someone can grow is by going through terrible situations.
[ in their case, they think it's fine... but that's because it's either they go through their situation or had died. better to go through something than nothing at all. but, for other people... ]
..Ah. If I was still back in my world, I'd say I've grown enough. But coming here... [ a quiet glance at him. ] It's a different environment. Different people. Connections I've made that I... want to protect. So.. I don't know. I want to save everyone, if I can. Until I can do that, maybe then.
[ with quiet amusement. ] A few have pointed out I could do less too, which is something I would have been able to learn to do if I didn't come here.
...I guess being here really does change the whole game, doesn't it. None of us would be the way we are now if we hadn't met everybody else and learned what else is out there. So many people still want to save everybody else, too. [ which isn't something he disagrees with either. ]
You really do need to try and do less. It's called avoiding burnout. But I also get that it's not always easy to unlearn the things you've spent so long doing, too.
[ the nod at that, agreeing with him on.. well, all of that really. being here really has opened up so much to a lot of people. Setsu in particular knows that to be the truth for themselves. ]
It's difficult to unlearn yes, but I've been learning to rely on you and everyone else more. Though, there's also the whole... I feel better being busy. It puts me at ease to be doing something than.. nothing. [ if they aren't at least doing a bit of work now and then, they're probably fidgeting. ]
I think I can get that. But I also think there are other things you can do to keep busy without putting so much of a strain on yourself. New hobbies, spending time with new people...it's stuff I'm still trying to figure out, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ they nod a little. ] There is a Guardian Angel role to help with that. They're capable of protecting one person per night against Gnosia attacks. The downside though is they cannot protect themselves, so. They need to lay low and not stand out for the Gnosia to target them.
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The whole thing sounds so complicated with a bunch of unwritten rules and roles you just have to go into blind and hope for the best. Having to do it over and over again in multiple loops...I can't really picture that.
[ he can't picture doing it without going crazy, mostly. ]
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Mm... I remember the very first time, before the loops even began. I was... so lost. Uncertain of what to do... afraid. But, someone pointed out to me that I was part of the military, to take charge and...
[ Their gaze never leaves that medical capsule. it's very much empty, but they stare as if someone is there. ] I felt like I had to. No matter what came at me.
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...how long did it take you to really believe you could actually do it? I think there's a difference between knowing you have to do something and being able to do it for real.
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...It took a while- going through some loops. Getting my bearings when I realized I was entrapped in them.
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Supposedly experience is the best teacher, so it sounds like that paid off. Even with the price of having to loop over and over again.
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It did eventually. I definitely got more confident. I was able to grow as a person too from the experience. [ a brief thought ] ...If you were to compare how I was before the loops began, to how I am now, I've changed a lot.
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Then...maybe it's not all that bad. You're a pretty good person now, so if all of that brought you here...[ he shrugs. ] Growth doesn't always come the way we want it to. But maybe the results really are always the same.
[ becoming stronger people. things like that. ]
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It doesn't always... Sometimes, growth comes from dire situations but, it can be worth it if we like the person we've become. [ and they do. they like the person they are now. ]
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You ever think it might take longer to like that person? Like...the growth doesn't feel worth it until even more terrible situations happen on top of the already terrible ones.
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...I think it could take longer. Though, depending on what kind of decisions were made because of that growth... [ they think about it ] ...Yes, it might take more terrible situations to eventually make it feel worth it.
But, I also think it depends on the person. [ quieter ] It... took me hundreds of loops to get to where I am now. And even then, I know there's still more room for improvement. That might not be the same for others though. [ someone else may feel they need to go through more to come close to it feeling worth the growth. ]
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[ which has always been something he's thought about on and off. why do some people have to struggle so much harder than others? ]
Some people might tap out after the first couple, you're right. But I feel like no matter how many you went through you'd always say you could improve. [ a gentle call-out. ] When do you think it'd ever be enough...?
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[ in their case, they think it's fine... but that's because it's either they go through their situation or had died. better to go through something than nothing at all. but, for other people... ]
..Ah. If I was still back in my world, I'd say I've grown enough. But coming here... [ a quiet glance at him. ] It's a different environment. Different people. Connections I've made that I... want to protect. So.. I don't know. I want to save everyone, if I can. Until I can do that, maybe then.
[ with quiet amusement. ] A few have pointed out I could do less too, which is something I would have been able to learn to do if I didn't come here.
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You really do need to try and do less. It's called avoiding burnout. But I also get that it's not always easy to unlearn the things you've spent so long doing, too.
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It's difficult to unlearn yes, but I've been learning to rely on you and everyone else more. Though, there's also the whole... I feel better being busy. It puts me at ease to be doing something than.. nothing. [ if they aren't at least doing a bit of work now and then, they're probably fidgeting. ]
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[ some amusement. but they'll gesture with a tilt of their head. ] Shall we look at more? We can focus on this.
[ a break from everything else. but also we can gently wrap this thread up. can handwave Setsu showing the rest of the ship. c: ]
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[ a break is nice. a break with friends is extra nice. and we can handwave the rest of the tour and prepare for new threads <3 ]