I do know. But I want... [ they think of their own time on the excursion. of those visions, those memories, of what they read and.. ] ...
[ their mouth closes, then opens again. their expression is crumbling, a hand gripping at their own arm with a slight tremble. ] Can you come down? Please.
[ the thing is, it's taken him some time to sort through his thoughts and even now he's still not sure what is and isn't correct. it doesn't help that he remembers a broken, crumpled form of setsu lifeless and destroyed in a bulb after countless experiments. it doesn't help he remembers seeing them in that cage after so many years. it doesn't help he remembers even just earlier this week a friend he cherished...
and for that friend, finally, he does come out of the tree. he's wearing the green seeds coat, a little bloodier now that some of his wounds reopened. he still doesn't quite look like the teenager they would know still, but they'd seen him before. he looks slightly younger, scars on his face a little fresh now and a little dead behind the eyes. but he gives them a curious look. ]
[ their expression withers as they see the more bloodier signs. a flash of concern as they look at it and then at him. it's much different for them. they themselves are still mostly the same outside the occasional dissociation, it's like being thrown into a loop for the first time. but they know what they read, what they were told. of an orphanage, of an institution, the Gnosia... a childhood alongside their team. poor, but without a worry in the world. of happier times. those flickers of memories- of visions.
a hand reaches into their own hair, grasping a familiar red hairclip-- before they take hold of one of his hands with both of theirs. they set that hairclip into the palm of that scarred roughened hand, enclosing both their hands over it afterward to ensure he keeps the accessory. then words leave them, some Jonas may find strangely familiar on a day like this, early on ] "I don't want any of us to be on bad terms tonight when there's a chance we might not be able to make it better tomorrow."
[ their hands around his tremble, gaze lowered as they stare at it and their vision blurs a little. ] We'll stick to our plans tonight like we promised. I'll do everything that I have to. But we won't know what else is going on out there. I...
[ broken, voice a little wet as their head dips to hide their face but y'know confidence week is still a thing? so, they at the very least don't hesitate to speak their mind. if this were any other week, maybe but ] It feels better with you here, yes. Even though I could possibly lose any of you tomorrow, and that thought hurts more than I could really say.
[ the cold, frigid expressionless look on Alex's face, the distance in which Jonas held himself in... it's hard to get the excursion out of their mind. why? why did it have to be this week..? when they're already on the tipping edge, they feel like they're losing everything. ]
[ he's surprised, mostly. he tries not to flinch from the touch, but he lets them put this clip in his hand and he closes his fist around it to make sure it stays safe. he hears his own words echoed back to him, from weeks, months, years, decades ago.
and he bows his head a little as he listens. ]
...we're going to be okay. I don't know how, but we will. We're going to stick to our plans, and as long as you and I stick together...we should be able to make it. And we'll go back and make sure Alex and Kazuki are still here and we're going to see tomorrow. I don't want to think about another option. I can't right now.
[ he knows it's inevitable...but does it really have to be now? ]
[ once he closes around it, their hands loosen in turn and let go, seeming more relieved than anything by it. they know there's so much story there they don't know. that they haven't been able to witness, or be there for.]
We won't think about anything else then. Because we are going to be okay. [ you'll be okay, is heavily implied. ] We'll regroup afterwards tomorrow, and we'll manage the rest of our plans. I'll see to Nahida for some more healing, some extra measures for my injuries... and then we'll get through Saturday too.
[ because they have to believe they will. they don't want another thought of finding those they care about, fading from existence in front of their eyes. or on that cold table with nothing left for them.
with his head bowed, they lift a hand to gingerly cup his cheek. he's much too tall for anything else so all they can do, once they press on their tippytoes, is gently kiss his other cheek. they'll drop their hand afterward and lower back to their regular footing. ]
We are. [ his we really does mean "we" because he refuses to let anything happen to them if he can help it. it's his personal responsibility now. after so long protecting people...that never quite went away. it was already bad with his team even before this mission, but now it's ten fold. these are his people. he's going to protect them with everything he's got. ]
Nahida will help us. And she won't ask questions. I think extra healing can't hurt considering how bad your shoulder was. But regrouping tomorrow is good. All four of us.
[ he isn't sure what to do really, but after a few moments he does tentatively rest his cheek in their hand and let them kiss the other one. little signs of affection...it's okay. ]
...as much as I think that's a promise I want, you and I both know we really can't promise. [ pragmatic as they both are. ] So we'll promise to do our best instead. If our best is making sure we all make it...then even better.
No, she won't really question it. She's incredibly kind-natured. [ and maybe it should feel bad to use someone like that, but Setsu does not. they're too accustomed to making use of everything and everyone around them when risks are involved. that's never changed here. but they do have those smaller connections they care for. but, to protect Jonas. to protect Alex. to protect Kazuki. they'll do whatever is necessary. ] It'll just be like last Friday again, but with more work behind us. Long as we remember the plan, we'll be okay.
[ because that's the important thing. they need to remember the plan. which Setsu is sure to enforce no matter what happens. Kazuki knows to keep an eye on all three of them for anything suspicious outside their excursions. they all know to transfer any of those extra injuries tonight elsewhere. it's going to be fine. just.. a lot of lying on Saturday, but it'll be fine. they're confident in that. ]
...No, we can't. But it's a nice thought. [ they know saying it is empty. it'll just be words. there won't actually be any guarantee behind it. even if they may wish for it themselves deep down. ] A promise to our best.
[ the exhaustion is clear as day on their face as they peer up at him, they can feel it wearily tugging themselves down. but they can push through it. just like the loops, and every week here. because they're determined to get this done for them. it's a risk to take-- and depending on what happens in Trial, may be something they face on Sunday. but... as long as they're safe, it's fine. their hand brushes some of his hair to the side, peering at the years of experience they are not familiar with. the fond and affection for him are there, but they don't say anything else. just offering him a reassuring look. ]
...After everything, I'm glad it was you. [ that's all they say. they won't elaborate on it. ]
Pretty sure it's hard to forget the plan when there's more at stake this week than last. Even with three of us going on a mission earlier...maybe that'll benefit us? People won't look at us as hard. We could try to lean into that.
[ lying...should not be this easy, but you do what you have to to survive. you do underhanded things, sometimes, to take care of your own. and that's what this is. it's taking care of their own. even when promises mean nothing and you really think one of you may not make it out of the night.
but he sees that exhaustion, frowning deeply as he registers it and not quite knowing what caused it. he kind of hates it on them. it's something on her and on alex and he hates knowing how much work goes into existing for the two of them when they're stuck in loops for eternity. the same pattern over and over again, and no way of breaking it.
he leans into the hand a little on instinct even if he looks a little wary from the touch. but he sees the fondness, and he tilts his head a little. he...thinks, maybe, after monday, he understands. but he won't elaborate either. instead, he sort of ducks his head to kiss their forehead briefly. ]
...just remember what I've always said. No matter what happens, I'm not gonna forget. None of us will. But I won't let myself do that.
Given what the excursions entail, I think leaning into it will definitely come in handy. By now, everyone should be more or less aware of what it can do to someone. Long as someone can vouch for the injuries we have now, we'll be okay.
[ Setsu is capable enough at lying as well, so they have no issues in trying to do just that. Though, they know they have to try and not stand out too much either. Even though they've never really been good at that considering their past experience.
they just... they just have to hope if something does happen, it'll be them. they don't want to imagine any harm coming to the rest of their team. because... because if something were to happen-- they don't think they'll be able to stop themselves with just the one tonight.
it's very brief but. the kiss on their forehead surprises them, coming to lean a little closer to him when it happens. the act has them blinking up at him a little, before a warmer look shows. it's such a small thing and yet it grounds them here. their hand hangs a little in the air because they did see that earlier slight wariness. ]
... I'll always remember it. I said before I wouldn't forget it, and even now I won't. As long as you remember... all of you do, then.. [ a shaky exhale, that exhaustion flickering again. ] That's all I could ask for. [ they don't dare ask for more than that. ]
Kazuki helped me with mine, but...Vash saw them, too. I might get Nahida to take a second look, too. I think everything in my head is okay in terms of, like, effects? But that could change at any time once my brain stops being shocked. We can make this work.
[ they'll both do what they can. what they have to. their mission now is to make sure they get out of this alive and protect their other teammates. he doesn't know that setsu has these thoughts. all he cares about is keeping his friends close and safe.
and so yeah. it was partially grounding and a little affection. ]
You've kinda left a huge impact. Forgetting...isn't an option. And after this we'll have more time to make more memories just to be extra sure. [ if he says it...maybe they'll get through this. maybe everyone really will survive to the end. ]
The more people that are able to confirm them, the better. [ more so when they don't know who else is getting attacked tonight, outside their current target. except we technically know hehe oops? but as far as Setsu is aware, the chances of it being any of those people is quite high. ] Mm... Given some people's worries, there seems to be something for a few of us but. It shouldn't get in the way of our plans.
[ it'll actually make them easier if anything. at least the part where they heavily focus on getting everything done anyways. it feels like at some point they kind of... shut off. close themselves up. but they'll have to manage it.
some affection on the die day... a nice treat. their gaze is a little glassy, cupping his cheek a little. ]
We will. There's still plenty for me to learn and see after all. [ but they.... they know better. they know the risks. they know that... if not them, it could be Jonas that ends up erased. they have to make most of the moments with each one of them before then. ] ...You've left a huge impact too, you know? For me. I was able to get this far because of you. So, I promise I'll do whatever is necessary to get us through it.
That's what I figure. Better coverage, better alibi. But our plans should go perfectly fine. We've talked everything through as much as possible. [ which means less chances of slipping up. sure, yes, some things will go awry as they find out later, but for now a little optimism is okay.
he finds himself letting his face rest in their hand, eyes on them for a moment longer. ]
Alex and I were talking...a team trip to the hot springs maybe. When we get away with this and live past Saturday. Just to take time together and experience new stuff. There's...a lot all of us can learn from each other. I want to do that for as long as possible. [ he closes his eyes briefly. ] We'll be fine. I feel like...even if I can't believe in promises like that, coming from you it's a little easier.
[ i am so depressed that they have this soft ass moment before getting mcmurdered. this is going to haunt me the whole game. ]
We've covered all of the bases that we could think of. We have a pretty solid plan, all things considered. [ you know, that they're going out and killing someone but. there should be little to minor evidence linking back to them which means they could possibly skate by. still, Setsu is pretty confident over their plan and they would be even without the week effect.
their other hand joins to gingerly cup his face when he rests it in their hold, cradling him gently. their own gaze settled on him, watching... searching, but that fondness never leaves them. it's always been there. it's one of those moments where all they can focus on are what's most important and currently, that's Jonas here with them. ]
I did visit it once but, I think a trip with the team would be a lot more fun. A good way to take a break from everything. I want to be able to do that as long as possible as well. [ to relax after all that stress they know the whole group will go through. the adrenaline after a kill, the stress of investigations into learning who else has died, to getting through the trial as under the radar as they can be... they watch as he closes his eyes and gently brush a thumb over his cheek. a soft hum. after everything, they haven't cried once yet but, they can feel that prickling sensation in their eyes. ] ...I'm glad it's a little easier. I have to hope, but I think.. yes. We'll be fine.
[ and that's the truth of it. they really, really do believe they'll all be fine. ]
It does help we had an extra week to plan, technically. [ staying behind to be with their kazuki for his own good meant a little buffer to see how things played out, to give them more motivation and assurance. their evidence is very little, and they both seem to know that there will be more than one person dying tonight anyway. that's been the name of the game for a little while. and if it isn't...they'll do the best they can.
he doesn't mind this, staring into their eyes for a little bit like he's trying to understand what they're looking for. there's a confused, easy little smile but he doesn't pull away. ]
Then...let's take care of each other tonight. Alex and Kazuki can learn some of the details tomorrow and be on the lookout for anything that much screw us over. We're going to get out of this and we're going to be fine. [ he may just be saying this to reassure himself, too. ] I'll be with you every step of the way. I can promise that much.
I think we needed that extra week. But, with how things are, I don't think we can afford another. [ Even though three of them did come back from an excursion compared to just Kazuki last week. It's a bit of a mess. And they know emotionally, they are here and they aren't. They'll focus on the mission again and forget to take care of themselves. Until that happens, they want to reassure him everything will be fine. Everything will go as planned.
There are things they'd like to say, like to ask, but they don't voice it out loud. It's probably a bit too late to mention now. (No Redacted For Us) And, with everything, the timing of it all.. isn't probably for the best. Whether it's tied to their excursions or something else. So when he stares back, they only give him an apologetic smile. They wish they could say more. Instead, they just hold him here, close. As if it would help anchor them to the idea that, when the next day comes around, they'll both still be here. ...It's wishful thinking, and they know it. ]
And I'll be with you every step of the way as well. When it's over, we can take care of each other. ..I'm sorry that you have to be the one to do this with me, but.. I'm glad that it's you. I promise I'll try to end this as quickly as I can. [ Because talking about doing it and actually doing it.. it's different. one hand lowers, only to gently touch his chin and raise it a little. the corner of their eyes crinkles with the reassured smile on their lips. ] Just remember to keep your head up and don't stop moving forward.
[ smashcut to jonas nearly a week later living in a depression hole tbh.
anyway...he is aware they are right. they cannot afford another week, even if the circumstances this week are somehow even worse. but it's okay. it's fine. they will force this to work in their favor as best as they can. even with their minds scrambled and so many possibilities of things going wrong, they can try.
it's wishful thinking they'll all be okay tomorrow, but...maybe trying to be an optimist is okay. just this once.
he lets them tilt his head up, and the grin grows a tiny bit wider. ]
We would never let you do this alone. And...it's probably best it's me anyway. Don't apologize for that. We'll be in and out, easy. [ but...he takes a breath and nods to that. ] Forward is...a direction. We'll do our best to find what that is.
[ tbh yeah that... yeah. setsu too except it's dying in a depression hole.
at least that is neither here nor there. not as they see him grin a little wider, and they feel more assured that everything will be okay. they'll let go completely after, dropping their hands to loosely take one of his in theirs. just to offer one final squeeze. grounding them in the moment until they let go.
eventually, they'll have to head off to curfew, but at least when they do they'll feel better than they had earlier. it was... rocky, to say the least, however they knew they weren't going to give up until they said all they wanted to. to get them talking before it was too late. even if later they will have wished they spent a moment longer. even if later they would have wished they said more. ]
Whatever that is... if it's with you, I'll be glad. [ because they want both of them to be able to move forward after this. they linger close still, a free hand pushing some of their own hair back behind their ear now with no clips to hold them back. but it's fine. it's like a silent promise, to keep something of them. ] ...I know it doesn't fix everything that's happened earlier but. I hope it helps even a little.
[ he grips their hand back, not at all bothered. eventually they'll have to head off to curfew, and they'll have to wait and pretend they aren't getting ready to commit a murder. they'll have to pretend they aren't kind of scared out of their minds, but that they're going to follow through. they'll look back on this, later, thinking about things unsaid and things unresolved.
but for now... ]
It'll be with all of us. [ but the two of them especially. they're have to find a way forward, especially after so long in no man's land and now being in the unique position of having to murder simon. it's something the other two may not be able to fully relate to, and that isn't bad. it only means that jonas and setsu have their own understanding. ] It helps probably more than you think, so...don't think otherwise. Alright?
All of us. [ further confirmation. it's just a bit different because they'll be the one doing the erasing, even though Setsu has done erasure before. but it's obviously... different. because the Gnosia erasure compared to this one.. this one is a lot more involved. compared to a simple touch and erasing someone's existence.
however, long as Setsu sees Simon as an enemy, and they do, it can be done. they just don't really want to have Jonas carry the burden of killing someone even with what he's likely gone through on the excursion. too bad plans have something else for them both. ]
I won't think otherwise then. I promise. [ a little reassurance. some silence fills between them, but it isn't uncomfortable. until Setsu speaks again and their voice is soft. ] Are you gonna stay here a bit longer? If you still need some time to yourself, I understand.
[ he thinks about the question. mostly because he doesn't quite know, and he isn't entirely sure of what an answer would be. jonas is used to having time by himself in his worst, darkest moments. likewise, jonas is used to wanting company and just not having an option or trusting himself with it in those same moments.
it's a crapshoot even now because he knows his head is still very messy and he doesn't entirely know when his thoughts will settle down again. but setsu says "if you need time to yourself" and jonas thinks "i've spent 150 years without you guys." ]
...you can stay if you want. [ it's maybe a cop-out, but it's a true enough answer. ] I'll come home eventually but you don't have to leave if you don't want to. It's fine.
[ ...ah, Setsu can't really hide that relief that shows when they receive his answer, shoulders losing some of that tension again. while they would have respected his request to be alone, especially how rough their encounter and return was earlier.... ]
...Truthfully, I don't want to leave. [ I don't want to go. they would much rather stay here, because even now they don't want to be alone. they don't want to be left behind. which is ironic from them, considering everything they've done back in their universe, have tried to here... but to be stronger, they tell themselves to hide it. admitting it quietly in their low moments and feeling guilty when they do. though more than they don't want to be alone-- even more so, they don't want to leave Jonas alone. so his answer is enough. ]
So if it's fine, I'll stay with you then. We can head back together later.
[ he's quiet again, this time really looking them over carefully when they say that. he...knows, to an extent, that setsu doesn't want to be left behind. he's seen memories and has had enough conversations with them to know.
it's kind of why he feels like a dick for how he treated them in nml, but listen, that was a whole other animal. same with when they returned. now that things have calmed a little and he's more like himself, he can think more clearly. ]
...don't be afraid to say what you really want next time. [ it's not a mean suggestion. it's just light and quiet for them to reflect on. ] You shouldn't have to be forced into something just because you don't think you're allowed something better.
[ this is also hypocritical coming from him, but who cares. ]
We can hang out here a little longer and go back when we're ready. I don't mind that.
[ when he looks them over, they slightly look off to the side. as if they're quite aware they've become a bit of an open book to him by this point. it isn't a bad thing but. there's something guilting about being forward about what they want. ]
...I'll try not to be next time. [ they meet his gaze straight on after they say that. just to ensure they mean it. a hidden promise in their words. they've never really taken offense to his suggestions honestly. so, yeah, they'll reflect on it. ] That goes the same for you too, Jonas.
[ yeah. yeah. as much as they appreciate him looking out for them, they want him to consider the same for himself. ]
Then that's what we'll do. [ a glance a little past him... ] Back to your tree? Or is down here fine?
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Jonas. Please. If this was another day... [ then. maybe but. ..a shaky breath leaves them. ] Not today. Please.
[ there's too much at risk later. ]
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[ their mouth closes, then opens again. their expression is crumbling, a hand gripping at their own arm with a slight tremble. ] Can you come down? Please.
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and for that friend, finally, he does come out of the tree. he's wearing the green seeds coat, a little bloodier now that some of his wounds reopened. he still doesn't quite look like the teenager they would know still, but they'd seen him before. he looks slightly younger, scars on his face a little fresh now and a little dead behind the eyes. but he gives them a curious look. ]
...better?
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a hand reaches into their own hair, grasping a familiar red hairclip-- before they take hold of one of his hands with both of theirs. they set that hairclip into the palm of that scarred roughened hand, enclosing both their hands over it afterward to ensure he keeps the accessory. then words leave them, some Jonas may find strangely familiar on a day like this, early on ] "I don't want any of us to be on bad terms tonight when there's a chance we might not be able to make it better tomorrow."
[ their hands around his tremble, gaze lowered as they stare at it and their vision blurs a little. ] We'll stick to our plans tonight like we promised. I'll do everything that I have to. But we won't know what else is going on out there. I...
[ broken, voice a little wet as their head dips to hide their face but y'know confidence week is still a thing? so, they at the very least don't hesitate to speak their mind. if this were any other week, maybe but ] It feels better with you here, yes. Even though I could possibly lose any of you tomorrow, and that thought hurts more than I could really say.
[ the cold, frigid expressionless look on Alex's face, the distance in which Jonas held himself in... it's hard to get the excursion out of their mind. why? why did it have to be this week..? when they're already on the tipping edge, they feel like they're losing everything. ]
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and he bows his head a little as he listens. ]
...we're going to be okay. I don't know how, but we will. We're going to stick to our plans, and as long as you and I stick together...we should be able to make it. And we'll go back and make sure Alex and Kazuki are still here and we're going to see tomorrow. I don't want to think about another option. I can't right now.
[ he knows it's inevitable...but does it really have to be now? ]
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We won't think about anything else then. Because we are going to be okay. [ you'll be okay, is heavily implied. ] We'll regroup afterwards tomorrow, and we'll manage the rest of our plans. I'll see to Nahida for some more healing, some extra measures for my injuries... and then we'll get through Saturday too.
[ because they have to believe they will. they don't want another thought of finding those they care about, fading from existence in front of their eyes. or on that cold table with nothing left for them.
with his head bowed, they lift a hand to gingerly cup his cheek. he's much too tall for anything else so all they can do, once they press on their tippytoes, is gently kiss his other cheek. they'll drop their hand afterward and lower back to their regular footing. ]
We'll all make it, Jonas. I promise.
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Nahida will help us. And she won't ask questions. I think extra healing can't hurt considering how bad your shoulder was. But regrouping tomorrow is good. All four of us.
[ he isn't sure what to do really, but after a few moments he does tentatively rest his cheek in their hand and let them kiss the other one. little signs of affection...it's okay. ]
...as much as I think that's a promise I want, you and I both know we really can't promise. [ pragmatic as they both are. ] So we'll promise to do our best instead. If our best is making sure we all make it...then even better.
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[ because that's the important thing. they need to remember the plan. which Setsu is sure to enforce no matter what happens. Kazuki knows to keep an eye on all three of them for anything suspicious outside their excursions. they all know to transfer any of those extra injuries tonight elsewhere. it's going to be fine. just.. a lot of lying on Saturday, but it'll be fine. they're confident in that. ]
...No, we can't. But it's a nice thought. [ they know saying it is empty. it'll just be words. there won't actually be any guarantee behind it. even if they may wish for it themselves deep down. ] A promise to our best.
[ the exhaustion is clear as day on their face as they peer up at him, they can feel it wearily tugging themselves down. but they can push through it. just like the loops, and every week here. because they're determined to get this done for them. it's a risk to take-- and depending on what happens in Trial, may be something they face on Sunday. but... as long as they're safe, it's fine. their hand brushes some of his hair to the side, peering at the years of experience they are not familiar with. the fond and affection for him are there, but they don't say anything else. just offering him a reassuring look. ]
...After everything, I'm glad it was you. [ that's all they say. they won't elaborate on it. ]
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[ lying...should not be this easy, but you do what you have to to survive. you do underhanded things, sometimes, to take care of your own. and that's what this is. it's taking care of their own. even when promises mean nothing and you really think one of you may not make it out of the night.
but he sees that exhaustion, frowning deeply as he registers it and not quite knowing what caused it. he kind of hates it on them. it's something on her and on alex and he hates knowing how much work goes into existing for the two of them when they're stuck in loops for eternity. the same pattern over and over again, and no way of breaking it.
he leans into the hand a little on instinct even if he looks a little wary from the touch. but he sees the fondness, and he tilts his head a little. he...thinks, maybe, after monday, he understands. but he won't elaborate either. instead, he sort of ducks his head to kiss their forehead briefly. ]
...just remember what I've always said. No matter what happens, I'm not gonna forget. None of us will. But I won't let myself do that.
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[ Setsu is capable enough at lying as well, so they have no issues in trying to do just that. Though, they know they have to try and not stand out too much either. Even though they've never really been good at that considering their past experience.
they just... they just have to hope if something does happen, it'll be them. they don't want to imagine any harm coming to the rest of their team. because... because if something were to happen-- they don't think they'll be able to stop themselves with just the one tonight.
it's very brief but. the kiss on their forehead surprises them, coming to lean a little closer to him when it happens. the act has them blinking up at him a little, before a warmer look shows. it's such a small thing and yet it grounds them here. their hand hangs a little in the air because they did see that earlier slight wariness. ]
... I'll always remember it. I said before I wouldn't forget it, and even now I won't. As long as you remember... all of you do, then.. [ a shaky exhale, that exhaustion flickering again. ] That's all I could ask for. [ they don't dare ask for more than that. ]
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[ they'll both do what they can. what they have to. their mission now is to make sure they get out of this alive and protect their other teammates. he doesn't know that setsu has these thoughts. all he cares about is keeping his friends close and safe.
and so yeah. it was partially grounding and a little affection. ]
You've kinda left a huge impact. Forgetting...isn't an option. And after this we'll have more time to make more memories just to be extra sure. [ if he says it...maybe they'll get through this. maybe everyone really will survive to the end. ]
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[ it'll actually make them easier if anything. at least the part where they heavily focus on getting everything done anyways. it feels like at some point they kind of... shut off. close themselves up. but they'll have to manage it.
some affection on the die day... a nice treat. their gaze is a little glassy, cupping his cheek a little. ]
We will. There's still plenty for me to learn and see after all. [ but they.... they know better. they know the risks. they know that... if not them, it could be Jonas that ends up erased. they have to make most of the moments with each one of them before then. ] ...You've left a huge impact too, you know? For me. I was able to get this far because of you. So, I promise I'll do whatever is necessary to get us through it.
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he finds himself letting his face rest in their hand, eyes on them for a moment longer. ]
Alex and I were talking...a team trip to the hot springs maybe. When we get away with this and live past Saturday. Just to take time together and experience new stuff. There's...a lot all of us can learn from each other. I want to do that for as long as possible. [ he closes his eyes briefly. ] We'll be fine. I feel like...even if I can't believe in promises like that, coming from you it's a little easier.
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We've covered all of the bases that we could think of. We have a pretty solid plan, all things considered. [ you know, that they're going out and killing someone but. there should be little to minor evidence linking back to them which means they could possibly skate by. still, Setsu is pretty confident over their plan and they would be even without the week effect.
their other hand joins to gingerly cup his face when he rests it in their hold, cradling him gently. their own gaze settled on him, watching... searching, but that fondness never leaves them. it's always been there. it's one of those moments where all they can focus on are what's most important and currently, that's Jonas here with them. ]
I did visit it once but, I think a trip with the team would be a lot more fun. A good way to take a break from everything. I want to be able to do that as long as possible as well. [ to relax after all that stress they know the whole group will go through. the adrenaline after a kill, the stress of investigations into learning who else has died, to getting through the trial as under the radar as they can be... they watch as he closes his eyes and gently brush a thumb over his cheek. a soft hum. after everything, they haven't cried once yet but, they can feel that prickling sensation in their eyes. ] ...I'm glad it's a little easier. I have to hope, but I think.. yes. We'll be fine.
[ and that's the truth of it. they really, really do believe they'll all be fine. ]
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It does help we had an extra week to plan, technically. [ staying behind to be with their kazuki for his own good meant a little buffer to see how things played out, to give them more motivation and assurance. their evidence is very little, and they both seem to know that there will be more than one person dying tonight anyway. that's been the name of the game for a little while. and if it isn't...they'll do the best they can.
he doesn't mind this, staring into their eyes for a little bit like he's trying to understand what they're looking for. there's a confused, easy little smile but he doesn't pull away. ]
Then...let's take care of each other tonight. Alex and Kazuki can learn some of the details tomorrow and be on the lookout for anything that much screw us over. We're going to get out of this and we're going to be fine. [ he may just be saying this to reassure himself, too. ] I'll be with you every step of the way. I can promise that much.
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I think we needed that extra week. But, with how things are, I don't think we can afford another. [ Even though three of them did come back from an excursion compared to just Kazuki last week. It's a bit of a mess. And they know emotionally, they are here and they aren't. They'll focus on the mission again and forget to take care of themselves. Until that happens, they want to reassure him everything will be fine. Everything will go as planned.
There are things they'd like to say, like to ask, but they don't voice it out loud. It's probably a bit too late to mention now. (No Redacted For Us) And, with everything, the timing of it all.. isn't probably for the best. Whether it's tied to their excursions or something else. So when he stares back, they only give him an apologetic smile. They wish they could say more. Instead, they just hold him here, close. As if it would help anchor them to the idea that, when the next day comes around, they'll both still be here. ...It's wishful thinking, and they know it. ]
And I'll be with you every step of the way as well. When it's over, we can take care of each other. ..I'm sorry that you have to be the one to do this with me, but.. I'm glad that it's you. I promise I'll try to end this as quickly as I can. [ Because talking about doing it and actually doing it.. it's different. one hand lowers, only to gently touch his chin and raise it a little. the corner of their eyes crinkles with the reassured smile on their lips. ] Just remember to keep your head up and don't stop moving forward.
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anyway...he is aware they are right. they cannot afford another week, even if the circumstances this week are somehow even worse. but it's okay. it's fine. they will force this to work in their favor as best as they can. even with their minds scrambled and so many possibilities of things going wrong, they can try.
it's wishful thinking they'll all be okay tomorrow, but...maybe trying to be an optimist is okay. just this once.
he lets them tilt his head up, and the grin grows a tiny bit wider. ]
We would never let you do this alone. And...it's probably best it's me anyway. Don't apologize for that. We'll be in and out, easy. [ but...he takes a breath and nods to that. ] Forward is...a direction. We'll do our best to find what that is.
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at least that is neither here nor there. not as they see him grin a little wider, and they feel more assured that everything will be okay. they'll let go completely after, dropping their hands to loosely take one of his in theirs. just to offer one final squeeze. grounding them in the moment until they let go.
eventually, they'll have to head off to curfew, but at least when they do they'll feel better than they had earlier. it was... rocky, to say the least, however they knew they weren't going to give up until they said all they wanted to. to get them talking before it was too late. even if later they will have wished they spent a moment longer. even if later they would have wished they said more. ]
Whatever that is... if it's with you, I'll be glad. [ because they want both of them to be able to move forward after this. they linger close still, a free hand pushing some of their own hair back behind their ear now with no clips to hold them back. but it's fine. it's like a silent promise, to keep something of them. ] ...I know it doesn't fix everything that's happened earlier but. I hope it helps even a little.
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but for now... ]
It'll be with all of us. [ but the two of them especially. they're have to find a way forward, especially after so long in no man's land and now being in the unique position of having to murder simon. it's something the other two may not be able to fully relate to, and that isn't bad. it only means that jonas and setsu have their own understanding. ] It helps probably more than you think, so...don't think otherwise. Alright?
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however, long as Setsu sees Simon as an enemy, and they do, it can be done. they just don't really want to have Jonas carry the burden of killing someone even with what he's likely gone through on the excursion. too bad plans have something else for them both. ]
I won't think otherwise then. I promise. [ a little reassurance. some silence fills between them, but it isn't uncomfortable. until Setsu speaks again and their voice is soft. ] Are you gonna stay here a bit longer? If you still need some time to yourself, I understand.
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it's a crapshoot even now because he knows his head is still very messy and he doesn't entirely know when his thoughts will settle down again. but setsu says "if you need time to yourself" and jonas thinks "i've spent 150 years without you guys." ]
...you can stay if you want. [ it's maybe a cop-out, but it's a true enough answer. ] I'll come home eventually but you don't have to leave if you don't want to. It's fine.
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...Truthfully, I don't want to leave. [ I don't want to go. they would much rather stay here, because even now they don't want to be alone. they don't want to be left behind. which is ironic from them, considering everything they've done back in their universe, have tried to here... but to be stronger, they tell themselves to hide it. admitting it quietly in their low moments and feeling guilty when they do. though more than they don't want to be alone-- even more so, they don't want to leave Jonas alone. so his answer is enough. ]
So if it's fine, I'll stay with you then. We can head back together later.
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it's kind of why he feels like a dick for how he treated them in nml, but listen, that was a whole other animal. same with when they returned. now that things have calmed a little and he's more like himself, he can think more clearly. ]
...don't be afraid to say what you really want next time. [ it's not a mean suggestion. it's just light and quiet for them to reflect on. ] You shouldn't have to be forced into something just because you don't think you're allowed something better.
[ this is also hypocritical coming from him, but who cares. ]
We can hang out here a little longer and go back when we're ready. I don't mind that.
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...I'll try not to be next time. [ they meet his gaze straight on after they say that. just to ensure they mean it. a hidden promise in their words. they've never really taken offense to his suggestions honestly. so, yeah, they'll reflect on it. ] That goes the same for you too, Jonas.
[ yeah. yeah. as much as they appreciate him looking out for them, they want him to consider the same for himself. ]
Then that's what we'll do. [ a glance a little past him... ] Back to your tree? Or is down here fine?
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